Tired of Failing
“Dear God, I’m tired of failing you…”
This was the beginning of my prayer and I meant every frustrating word of it. I don’t really share this part of my life, but I sense it is necessary in order to help illustrate just how much this is a DAILY DYING WALK! I have been saved since I was five and I reaffirmed my faith as an adult, but six years ago something strange happened in that I took on a posture of complete dedication to God. I wanted more than just church. I wanted more than women’s ministry, running the order of service, preaching and being seen as a disciple of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I asked where the greater work was and why wasn’t I seeing any of the miracles Jesus promised we’d do? This questioning guided me to a deeper seek and level of dedication to the leading of the Holy Spirit to become a true Son of God. This path called for me to be a living sacrifice, which wasn’t really a problem until it called for me to really look into the ways in which sin was controlling my life. I never knew that giving up secular music five days out of the week would highlight that some/many of the songs I listened to sparked nostalgia--that then sparked a memory of a person--then a text “Hru?” & “Wyd?”---. Holy Spirit highlighted the correlation between my emotional inconsistency and the elements/things I was allowing to saturate the soil of my mind and the garden of my heart. I was more determined than ever to give up all that would distract me, I would never again fall into sin. I would keep myself on the straight and narrow. If a gentleman wanted to take me out on a date I would announce that I was celebate and wouldn’t be giving anything away at the end of the night. I announced to my friends just how good I was doing;I gave up my wine of the month club, secular music, television and sexual immorality. I was standing on my podium of righteous indignation and waving my sanctified banner high. So when I failed, even though no one else was there to see it, it was a hard pill to swallow.
The “I” Doesn’t Have It
Because I went around basically bragging about my ability to withstand temptation, I failed. When walking a life of sanctification and consecration the “I” must be removed. Romans 8:26-27 reminds us that we cannot stop ourselves from sinning, and full dependence upon the Holy Spirit will strengthen us in our weakness. When we lean into the Holy Spirit. and the transformative power of heaven given to Him, we can withstand the device and avoid the temptation because we are no longer naive. We are AWARE.
The “I” will ALWAYS fail, and leaning into the Holy Spirit will allow our “I” to become a powerful WE as all Sons of God should be; a proud member of the WE team. We are comforted divinely and divinely guided, so do not forget this. There is no failure in God, but we must first be seated in our place of authority to be governed by the Holy Spirit. When was the last time you leaned into Holy Spirit? Have you stopped praying or entering into God’s presence because of the shame and guilt connected to failure? It’s ok. Really it is ok. God knows you and wants you/me/us to know that it was never supposed to be us achieving perfection, but us being perfected IN HIM! Never by our might, never by our power, but always be HIS SPIRIT. Thank you Lord for the blessing of reminders and the blessings, balance, consistency, and winning found when we lean into the Holy Spirit.
